Carpe diem.

Twelve months ago this was probably my most hated expression. A Latin aphorism meant to encourage a person to live in the moment (“seize the day” is the English translation), to me, this expression symbolized nothing more than unwanted pressure. Pressure to put myself out there, to try something new, to be the best I could be.

Carpe diem? Thank you kindly, but no.

In hindsight, it was this very feeling of unwanted pressure that caused me to delay A2A’s creation for so long. While I had the skills and the ambition, I also had something else: fear.

Like most people, I was dreadfully afraid of failure. Unfortunately for me, I was allowing my fear of failure to stop me from trying. Though in reality I had no way of knowing whether people would support my writing or not, in my mind I had already decided my blog would fail. And not only would it fail but it would do so abysmally.

It would crash.

It would burn.

It would go up in flames for the entire world to see.

And they would probably laugh.

I don’t know when or what the exact moment was that finally pushed me to create A2A, but I distinctly remember the anxiety I experienced after publishing my first post. And apparently Facebook does too; earlier today I received the “memory” notification, allowing me to “rediscover” the moment my first blog post went public.

“So, after nearly six hours I’ve made a blog!” I wrote on May 23, 2015. “There’s only one post so far and the page is still under serious construction, but whatever. Feel free to like, comment, share, etc.”

I vividly remember the moments that followed. I sat on my couch and stared at my computer screen, praying someone would read my post. What felt like hours went by (it was likely only a few minutes) and still, not a single Like. But just as that sinking feeling began to set in- ding! There it was, the first notification.

Soon after, there was another one. And then another. By the end of the night, dozens of people had liked, commented and shared my post. Although it was a great feeling—euphoric, is more like it—I was shocked. For so long I had told myself A2A would fail and yet here it finally was, being acknowledged by people near and far.

It was the push I desperately needed. I began to carpe diem.

Over the next 12 months A2A would grow beyond anything I’d ever imagined. As I began to diversify my content, my readership grew, reaching up to 3,000 views in 10 different countries in a single month. In reflecting this growth, within eight months the website was re-launched on a new, bigger and better platform. A2A’s presence began to grow on social media through its Facebook and Instagram profiles (both under the same name), while three of its articles were also published in the Huffington Post.

One year with According to Adrienne has truly been a life-changing experience, in more ways than one. With each achievement my fear of failure faded away. I found a new confidence in both my skills and myself, as well as a renewed determination to follow my dreams. I now try to apply this confidence to every aspect of my life. And while I’m still not one to necessarily take a leap of faith, A2A has taught me to be less hesitant and more decisive.

Carpe diem, I say.

Or do your best, at least.

2 Comments

  1. Congrats! Awesome and inspiring testimony! Praying greater success in this upcoming year!!

  2. Awesome read. I really identify with this as I have struggled for years with procrastination. I used to think it was a fear of failure but I’ve realized that is a bit of that couple with perfectionism… which I guess goes hand-in-hand with the failure thing. I delay starting because I’d want it to be just right & not a total fail.

    Eventually, I get a boost of God-knows-what & I shake myself into getting whatever it is (usually a blog post) done. But it takes much. You’ve motivated me to write about my own experience. Maybe it’ll help someone as I’m sure this post will help others!

    #BLMgirl 😉

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